Libertarianism Essays -- essays research papers

  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Successful Love   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  How can couples have successful love? Very seldom do couple start a loving relationship, and keep loving each other. Most relationships go down the drain usually between six months to two years. In the beginning, relationships are new, exciting, and passionate. After some time passes, things change and everything becomes predictable. When this happens, partners get sick of each other and start to fight and argue with each other. Basically, you just get on each others’ nerves. Authors Deborah Tannen, John Gray, Susan Page, and John Gottman explain certain solutions to have successful love. These authors have experience in analyzing relationships. Tannen is a linguistics professor at Georgetown University, specializing in language and communications. Gray is an inspirational writer on relationships. Page has done much work in workshops specializing in relationships and communications. Finally, Gottman is a psychology professor, who has done research on relati onships between two thousand married couples. They all mention that in order to keep a strong relationship, there are particular skills that you need to know. For men and women to successfully communicate, they must be able to listen to each other, understand each other, and not criticize one another. You must have these components to make a relationship successful.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Listening is one of the most important aspects of successful communication between men and women. Listening is the act of paying attention in order to hear one another. When couples communicate, they usually think about talking instead of listening, even though â€Å"98% of good communication is listening.† (Page,28)Page states, â€Å"Listening means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. It means trying to understand a different point of view before you try to make yourself understand. (Page,28) This explains the fact that what you are saying to someone may mean something totally different than what you wanted to say. To stay away from this problem you must speak as if you were listening. In other words, you have to hear the words that you are saying before they come out of your mouth. â€Å"To some people listening is a highly refined skill that is reserved for deep, intimate conversations or delicate negotiations.† (Page,28) To othe r pe... ...e him for who he is and the things he does for you.† (42) On the other hand, Tannen and Gray agree that you must be positive.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  As you can tell, there are many tips to have a great relationship. After reading the authors’ essays, I have learned what to do and what not to do in a relationship. So next time my boyfriend starts to drift away, I will handle it differently. Instead of getting upset and crying because he doesn’t want to be with me; I will just let him be. I can understand that â€Å"he is going into his cave† and wants to be left alone. I will realize that it isn’t my fault. (Gray, 21) As author Deborah Tannen discusses the differences between men and women, she says â€Å"different perspectives on expressing or concealing dissatisfactions and doubts may reflect a difference in men’s and women’s awareness of the power of their words to affect others.† (15) If you are in a relationship and you want it to be successful, make sure that you listen to your partner, you understand men and women’s communication differences, and ne ver criticize-just compliment. If you work on these elements, you will achieve â€Å"Successful Love.†